


I've Died Every Day waiting For You

by DWImpala67



Series: The Vow Verse [1]
Category: Actor RPF, Supernatural RPF
Genre: Amnesia, Angst with a Happy Ending, Boys In Love, Divorce, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Trauma, Established Relationship, F/M, Fluff and Smut, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Mpreg, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Lots of Angst, M/M, Mpreg, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Remarriage, Temporary Amnesia, True Love, inspired by Movie, the vow - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-16
Updated: 2019-06-16
Packaged: 2020-05-13 02:05:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 19,198
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19241611
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DWImpala67/pseuds/DWImpala67
Summary: His husband didn’t even recognize him. And when the doctor told him that Jensen was his husband, Jared had flipped and started yelling things like he wasn’t even gay! In fact to prove the point, he had a girlfriend whose name was Genevieve Courtese. That he was becoming a lawyer just like his dad and he wanted to see her. Jensen was flabbergasted! Not only did husband didn’t recognize him, he outrightly rejected the idea of ever being with Jensen. He didn’t know if he should laugh because Jared was alive or should he cry because Jared had forgotten him. When Jared showed further signs of distress, the doctor asked him to leave so that he could sedate him. He was numb and felt like throwing up. And then passing out and that’s exactly what he did in same order.He had found out the same day in hospital where he had collapsed and was admitted. That day he was told that he was three weeks along. Pregnant with Jared's child. He and his husband were having a child, his husband who didn't seem to even recognize him anymore.





	I've Died Every Day waiting For You

**Author's Note:**

  * For [lullys](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lullys/gifts).



> So, this is a new fic. My first attempt at Mpreg. It was long pending since the day I saw the movie the Vow. It very loosely... very very loosely based on the movie. Only the amnesia part. Rest is all made up.  
> Its heavy angst. I seem to have a nack for it.  
> This fic was laying dormant in my laptop for six months before I found my muse with the help of a dear friend Lullys. It's because you pushed. I asked her to go with it but she instead motivated me to write it up. Without her I wouldn't have written it. Thank you so much for being there when no one was. For listening when no one would when I was going through a hard time. Still am.But you being there makes it easy. Thank you.  
> Comments are welcome. would like to hear your take. Happy Reading
> 
> Disclaimer: the characters belong to themselves. The story is mere work of fiction. The plot of The Vows belongs to the writers of the story. It's a mere inspiration. No harm meant.

 

****NOTE: So some mistakes were pointed out to me and hopefully I have corrected them and tried to furnish it better. Happy reading! Timestamps coming soon....****

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Jensen sat on his bed looking out of the window straight ahead of him trying to fathom the idea of living here without Jared. The pool in direct view of bed was what sold them into buying this place, when they were looking for a house to live together to start their new beginning. Small lush green plants around the pool and the green lawn spread beyond the pool , where they had set up some lounge chairs in creamy matte color and a small shower just in the corner left of the lawn was all Jared's idea. To the left of the room was the extended lawn where they had set up chairs and tables , so that they could spend much needed quality time with each other or share a wine while looking at the starry night , some music to go with or spend a bright beautiful morning accompanied with breakfast, bickering and teasing each other about the day to be spent ahead of them, surrounded by stunning palm and roses. The fragrance of which never failed to amaze Jensen. It was really breathtaking. The walls of the room were all creamy and the one just behind the headboard of the bed was a dark shade of blue in matte. There were small tables to each side with night lamps and the lighting of the room was equipped as such to suit the mood every time they entered it. To the right of the room was a very small passage wherein lay the dresser and mirror to the right of which was master bath and to the left of which was a en-suite walk-in wardrobe. It was an ideal master suite designed to the taste of both hopeless romantics that shared it. The same floor had two more bedrooms that were converted into guest rooms and one library which had its shelves nearly touching the roof tops.

Jensen stood up and left the room. Out of the room into the lobby, down the stairs where the  living room was. The wall extending from the lobby down the stairs to the living room was covered in the pictures of them together. Photos of their family, their friends and of them, together. Almost all of them had both Jared and Jensen in it. The idea of one not being there with another was just numbing or as Jared always said,

_"No one is taking me away from you Jensen. Not even in those pictures. You're stuck with me. Hell or High Water."_

Now looking at all those pictures of them at their wedding, or at their engagement party, at Hawaii, where they had two week long honeymoon, he didn't know if he should laugh or cry. Jensen entered the living room , which was equipped with a massive couch which could accommodate the giant 6 feet tall men and some recliners situated to the taste of the pale yellow cream living room. The coffee table between was mahogany and had Jared's books littering all over it. With a small smile, Jensen picked up the one which was the nearest to him remembering how Jared never seemed to keep them back in the library or in the basement where his studio was, always claiming,

_"Jen, I need them near me anytime in case of emergency or when I have a design to finalize before heading off to work, instead of going to the library or studio every time. Besides, it's fun to design while admiring your sweet ass rolling around me, all grumpy in the morning."_

But the smile was short lived, as his mother came out calling for him from the kitchen blasting Jensen into the present. He went to sit on one of the chairs on dining table. The dining area and kitchen were rolled into one with creamy and soft purple shades that complemented the furniture and glass well. The long chairs and a small wall with window style rectangle giving a peek a boo look into kitchen area from the dining room was all that separated the two. The same floor to the left of stairs had a long passage with three rooms on each side, one of which was Jensen's home office, and a backyard that stretched beyond the house. The backyard had all types of plants and veggies planted, again a Jared idea,

_"It doesn't make sense to me to go to the farmers market to buy some fresh veggies when we can cultivate them right here in the backyard! And what're we to do with so much space in the backyard. Besides you know my housewife works from home mostly, so it'll be good for my wife to work in the garden in free time!"_

_The reply to which would always be “You’re such an asshole, Jared”_

_“Yeah, but I am your asshole, baby_ ”

Donna Ackles was a woman of strength. What with being a wife of a millionaire, a socialite and raising three kids into the world with constant camera poking in life, she had endured it all through with the support and faith of her loving husband, Alan Ackles. While Josh and Mackenzie were bright and outgoing, Jensen, the middle child was quite the opposite. Jensen was shy, reserved, always keeping to himself, aware of constant nagging of public eyes on his family. He had grown up in loving home. Despite being a public figure, Alan had maintained that their children be raised in loving and caring home, with all the support they needed. He wanted his children to strive for success and never for love. So, Donna had made sure that her children got all the care they needed and did her best to keep them off of the media. But, that didn't mean that he had no troubles and puzzles in her life. No, she had the biggest one sitting in front of her, right about now.

"Jensen, honey, how about some toast and ginger tea. I hope that will help you settle down some?"

No answer.

She approached him and gently let her fingers toy with the small spikes of his hair, "Jensen, baby, you can't go on like this. You have to eat and keep yourself healthy. The morning trips to the washroom will only intensify from here. You have to take care of yourself Jensen. With your age, you have to be very careful. Even the doctor said so."

She still didn't get an answer. Donna sighed and took his face into her palms and forced him to look at her , " Honey, you have to realize that you aren't only responsible for yourself anymore You have to take care of the life growing inside of you. The one you created with Jared. Its’ the piece of him that he left under your care. If not for you, at least for the baby, Jensen. Have something for the sake of the baby."

Okay, low blow.

She knew it was a low blow but she was out of options. She could not let her son waste away mopping and waiting and pining for his husband to come back to him, not when the said husband has explicitly yelled that _"The baby is probably not mine. It's just a way to lure me into living with you so you don't feel lonely."_

 Donna had been furious. But, she understood. She was a mother after all. She had to take care of her son first and maybe then she would tear her son-in-law a new one. Someday… But it was someday. Right now she was the supervisor of the health of her son and her grandchild, and she'll be damned if she failed to save both lives from taking a plunge. The mention of Jared and their child was enough for Jensen to shake him out of his reverie and look at the food set in front of him. He was still feeling nauseated but was also hungry. So, he did the only thing he was capable of doing and dug into the toast and tea set in front of him without uttering a single word. He finished his diet in silence, with his mother hovering around him. Jensen knew she was worried. He understood her worry for her child, he was going to be a father after all. But he also kind of wished that he was not this big kid anymore. He wanted to be a child again. To come crying and asking her to fix his boo boo. Kiss him and make it all fine. Read him stories and warp him in a big hug enveloped in love and never leave. He missed that. He wanted to draw her close and take in her sweet scent and cry his heart out. Tell her how broken he was. To tell her that he needed her. That he wasn't strong enough to do this alone. That he wanted the security of his mother, who was his anchor besides his husband, well ex- husband as of from this morning.

 No. No, he wasn't going to think of him now. Jensen was dead to him. Jared had explicitly thrown it into his face. And, he was not going to think of love of his life. Not anymore. He gasped as he felt a flutter inside him and placed his hind on his stomach. He was four months along going into five. He could feel his baby moving. He found sudden bout of happiness filling him. But he was so scared. So damn scared of being alone in this. This was supposed to be his happy time. His pregnancy was supposed to be most joyful occasion of his life but he was left with heat break and he felt his soul cry a bit more. His heart bleeding so much much more. He felt tears bubbling in his eyes. He felt sad. For him, because he had lost the love of his life. More so for his baby because his baby would never know its other father. His baby had lost a chance of getting to know its amazing father who had a heart of gold and was so full of life. But he had decided not to be sad anymore, yet the strings of tears didn't stop as hard as he tried. He could see his parents staring at him with all concern in their eyes. Hell he could feel his mother's anxiousness. But he was no more a Momma's boy. He was grown up. About to be a father himself. He had to straighten himself out.

Alan Ackles was standing at the door of the dining room watching the scene unfold with his hawk eyes. He was able to read a person just by looking at their eyes. So, when he heard his wife knocking some sense into his boy, he was waiting for the dam of emotions to break. Hell, he had foreseen it and it was the reason why he and his wife were stationed in this house for the past two weeks. He knew his son very well. He knew Jensen was a type of person who would rather deal with his emotions himself by putting up 15 feet high walls around him rather than burdening anyone by sharing it, which he didn't want anyone saddled with. The only person he shared it with apart from his mother was his ex-husband who was ironically also the reason for the emotions running high. So, when Alan saw Jensen, his hunched shoulders and his swollen red eyes, a resigned look on his face, he knew he had to step in. A person could only take so much hen it comes to  see their child suffering. He walked up behind Jensen and put a hand on his soldiers kissing his forehead ,

"You're not a Superman Jensen, let it go. We're right here. Just say the word and we're here for you." And that's how Jensen was done. It was like a damn had broken and the hurtful sobs were breaking free from Jensen. He was so tired and so sick of the pent up emotions. The anger, the grief,  the heartbreak plus his hormones running haywire , it was all too much. He felt his mom coming up to him and he grabbed her and held her tightly. Putting his head on her chest where he could hear the steady beat of her heart, he let all his emotions flow. He realized that he wasn't as alone as he thought. He had his parents and his siblings with him. He had his friends with him. He had just lost his other half. Big deal. He still had is half soul to live with. He clung to them with all his might. Trying to finally let go.

After a while, the sobs broke down to soft sniffs. Jensen didn't know how long he was clinging to his mother, pouring his heart out, asking her to stop his heart from hurting so much.  It took a while before his eyes were dry leaking. He rubbed his eyes on the hem of her shirt and looked at both his parents who were looking at him with so much love and understanding that it made him tear up again.

"Mom, D-dad, (hiccup) I need you. I am sc-cared. I can't do this a-alone. I don't..don't want to do it alone. H-He was supposed to be with me. Right b-beside me. It h-hurts so much. Make it stop. P-Please. Just..Please'' And he started crying again. Donna once again took her son's face into her small palms. He had grown up so big. Her little boy and yet, he was asking for his mother to take away all the hurt just like he used to do when he was a five year old. He looked like that five year old Jensen she remembered who came crying to her to heal his boo boo.

"Oh Jensen....we're here, you know. Just know that if you need  anything, I mean anything.... and we're here for you. I know you're scared. I know this is the part of your life that you wanted to share with your husband .... well ex-husband." Hearing her say that out loud, broke him again. It was finality. He sobbed harder. He felt his father dabbing his eyes with a napkin.

Alan threw a look at his wife and both nodded in understanding. It had been months now. And he needed his son to come to terms with reality. A hard push was needed. "Hey, hey, Jensen...... C'mere. I know..... I know okay. I know it feels you're lonely. But you're not. We're here. Your family's here for you Jensen. And most importantly, your baby. Your baby's here. The baby has clung with you even when you suffered from all heartbreak. The baby didn't leave you, not for one second. And neither did we. We'll do all we can in our capacity as your parents, so that you're not scared. Don't be afraid Jensen. Life will throw so many obstacles in front of you. So many hurdles, but that don't mean you should give up. If it fails you once, you get up and face it with determination twice you had when you failed. The harsh reality is, Jensen, that Jared has left you. He's done with. Hell, he's probably enjoying his new life with his shiny new girl. You need to get past that. You need to let go. Let him go, Jensen. I know it's hard. It'll be rather tough, but this moping around is not helping you. You have a bigger responsibility now. I know this relationship ended with a heart break but it also gave you a reason to live. It gave you a baby. You have so many beautiful things to look forward to. So many special moments to witness. You have to get out of this heartbreak and start being a father. You have to start taking care yourself and keep yourself healthy. Focus on the positives, son. There’s nothing to gain in living and reliving the hurtful past. What’s done is done. You need to gear up for future.” Donna hoped as hell, that the advice would stick somewhere deep.

For a long time they just kept looking at each other. After a while, Donna recognized the determination come back into the eyes of her boy who seemed to be so lost just moments ago. Slowly it started making sense and Jensen hugged her tightly with all the strength he had. She knew that road ahead of her son was very rough, but she willed that she would get him through this. No Jared was ever going to put her son down.

After listening to his father’s little speech, Jensen had calmed down and a slow and steady resolve had found its place in his heart. He would get back up for his child. No matter what. And after yesterday’s scare, when he had fainted and doctor had reminded him about his responsibility towards his daughter …(yeah a daughter!), he didn’t want his peanut to stress anymore just because her father was a pussy. He wanted to be strong for his child. Just like his mother. He wanted to be that rock in his baby’s life just as his mom had been in his.

“I will be strong for my baby, Momma. I promise. I just need you to be with me. I can pass this through. I just need the support of you guys.” He needed to make it clear what this meant for him. What their support meant for him. But he didn’t want to come forward as clingy. He wished his parents would stay with him and help him tackle the loneliness that had festered in him staying alone in this big house with every corner screaming Jared’s essence. He just didn’t know how to voice his fears. He had already took enough outta them. As if on cue Alan spoke ,” Thank You son. That’s all we ask. I know it's all too much right now, but it’ll become easier. I promise. But you keep trying is all we want. And don’t worry. We’re staying here till you pull your feet up or rather till you settle down after the birth of your grandchild. Till then you’re stuck with us.”And he smiled at the flabbergasted look on his son’s face. “We are your parents Jensen. No matter how hard you try to hide, we still know you better than anyone else in the whole damn world.”, Donna quipped from behind breaking the father-son moment. Jensen thought, he really was a lucky bastard. With such amazing parents, he was sure he could survive this.

The next morning found Jensen in great mood. He woke up feeling restless and nauseated, yet managed to keep his light breakfast down. He took his prenatal vitamins and pills on time, without grouching. He took a stroll in their garden in the morning as running was out of question. His father advised him to start going to office for shorter time periods so as to distract his mind. His secretary was updated about his health to make sure he had an easy day and by afternoon he did got carried away in office work. Everyone at office, his staff, his colleagues were sweet and understanding. Everyone congratulated him on his baby. They made sure their boss was okay and kept the environment light. By afternoon, Danneel, his friend and lawyer kept him company and brought him lunch. They spent lunchtime reminiscing their childhood. It was good. By evening he had attended two meetings and managed to keep his stomach in check for nausea. The morning sickness had hit pretty late in his pregnancy and it was harsh. Heartburn was normal and that made him uneasy but nothing that a pill couldn’t do. All in all it was going fine, except the obvious.

 When he returned home he was assaulted by the aroma of fresh chicken meatballs and spaghetti. He wanted to hug his mother to death as he knew she was cooking his favorite just to ensure his health and happiness. He entered the living room, to find his Dad going through some DVDs. Taking a closer look, he realized those were all his favorite movies. He coughed a little, to get his father’s attention. His Dad gave him a sheepish look. His parents really weren’t being as subtle as they thought they were. He knew his Dad didn’t like his choice of movies. Never did. In fact they had argued over them quite some times. He was moved that he  thought of giving it a try. But Jensen didn’t let it show on his face.

“So, what do you say we watch one of these movies you like. You pick ,because frankly, I’d rather drown a whole scotch than selecting one of these”, Alan said, waving a hand in the direction of DVDs and settling back in couch. He was pleased to see some light in Jensen’s eyes coming back. It was dim, but it was there. It was better than the haunted look he sported moving around like a ghost. Jensen smiled and this time Alan was pleased to observe, it reached his eyes. “How about we compromise and watch Shawshank Redemption? I know you like it and frankly it could do me some good. Getting back on feet after being kicked in the ass twice by life is something I need to be reminded anyways.” And Jensen was really being honest for once. He asked his father to look for that DVD in the rack below the TV and went in to greet his Mom. She was in the dining room, setting up plates. He missed her warmth so much. He went behind and hugged her tight. She patted his cheeks and told him to go get fresh and come down for dinner. He kissed her on cheeks and went to his room. He had put on a brave face today. But once he entered his bedroom, his mask slipped.

He was bleeding internally but he didn’t want to let his parent’s down. He didn’t want to break his promise to his peanut. He was doing what everyone did under the same circumstances. Fake it till you make it. But he was trying. It didn’t escape either of his parent’s eyes what their son was doing, but they didn’t pinpoint it. They knew it was hard and at least they were satisfied that their son was trying, fighting and not giving up. Jensen went straight to the bath and took a hot shower and let his tears run down. He was so moved by the understanding his parents showed. He knew, his parents saw right through him, yet he was grateful for their silence. In the shower where no one could see him, he let out all his anguish he had held through the day. He picked one of Jared’s fruity shampoos still lying in the corner of the stall. Hey, if he didn’t get the man, he at least could wrap himself up in his scent. Inhaling the sweet apricot, he remembered what it felt like to be loved, to share a life with. He remembered what it felt like to be wrapped in warm embrace. More tears spilled from his eyes, as he applied the shampoo. When they were together and happy he had multiple times made his dislike known for this particular flavor to his now ex husband. But today, come what may, he didn’t have it in himself to hate it. Hell he wished he never would have called Jared out on his choice of this shampoo, if he knew one day Jared would just up and leave him be. He still remembered that day. Clear as water. The day when Jared refused to acknowledge him as his husband, the day Jared broke his promise, the day Jared lost all his memories. It was their fourth wedding anniversary when Jensen had lost his husband.

They had got married at Jensen’s parents house, under the gazebo in the garden of their backyard, exactly where Jared had proposed a year back to Jensen. It had been a beautiful night. Jensen had arranged a surprise dinner for just the two of them by the poolside. It had been little more than two years they had shifted in this house. Jared always had a drive to design a home where he could relax and spend quality time with Jensen. With the money that came in once  Jensen took over Ackles Corp. and Jared being a well known architect, they were at a point in their life where it all seemed at right place and the day they had got married, Jared had presented Jensen with a Blue Print of the renovation they planned on doing to the property they had just purchased. For next year and a half it was non stop bubbling excitement on the part of Jared much to the amusement of Jensen, of finally having a place to call theirs! Not that Jensen’s loft was any bad. But as Jared said,

_“Our own home, Jen, designed by us, together!”_

It was truly heaven. They had adjusted well and the pool side was especially Jared’s favorite. So, Jensen had set it all up with the help of their bi weekly caretaker Maria. He had decided to surprise his husband. With her help he had set up a table with white and red decoration of roses and complementing table cloths, napkins and crockery. A candle set right in the middle with a cake that would be a reminder of four wonderful years spent together. Jensen had selected a set of songs to play in the background which was the same playlist almost that they had made on their wedding. They were stepping into fifth year of their marriage and Jensen wanted to let Jared know how thankful he was for having him in his life and getting to share it with such a pure soul. He had also prepared a small speech confessing his undying love for Jared. It was all sappy as hell….as Jared would have said. But he didn’t care. All he knew was that he was sweating bullets and getting nervous because Jared was late and he wasn’t picking up his phone. Jensen had tried his office, once it was clear that it was beyond the time his husband came home. But his secretary had said that Jared had left early today. It was almost half past ten when Jensen was seriously considering ringing his security head JDM. Jeffery Dean Morgan had been the head of security for Ackles family ever since Jensen was five month old. He was good at what he did. So he was the ultimate solution to Jensen’s current problem.

Although, Jared didn’t like being covered by security, it was a necessary evil with Jensen Ackles being his husband and he endured it all with a little bit of grumpiness. Jensen was pacing their driveway when his mobile rang and was given devastating news that Jared had met with an accident and was suffering from mild head trauma. Jensen had recovered quickly after that shocking news but what broke him was when he entered the hospital his husband was struggling in the bed refusing to take any further medication and repeatedly asking to call his Jen. It filled his heart with warmth to see his husband wanting to see Jensen. It was short lived, because when Jensen approached him slowly Jared flinched from his touch. Apparently he was calling for Gen and not Jen! His husband didn’t even recognize him. And when the doctor told Jared that Jensen was his husband, he had flipped and started yelling things like he wasn’t even gay! In fact to prove the point, he had a girlfriend whose name was Genevieve Courtese. That he was becoming a lawyer just like his dad and he wanted to see her.

Jensen was flabbergasted! Not only did husband didn’t recognize him, he out rightly rejected the idea of ever being with Jensen. He didn’t know if he should have laughed because Jared was alive or should he have cried because Jared had forgotten him. When Jared showed further signs of distress, the doctor asked him to leave so that he could sedate him. He was numb and felt like throwing up and then passing out and that’s exactly what he did in same order.

Something cold dripping down his spine brought Jensen back to the present. The shower had turned cold and he felt a flutter in his stomach. “I know it's cold peanut. Sorry. Papa will get you warm again," he said keeping a hand on his small swell. He got out of shower and dressed in warm clothes that belonged to Jared. He was getting bigger than his clothes could accommodate and he craved the safety of being encompassed in all that was Jared. The best he could do was with the clothes that Jared left behind. He climbed down the stairs and into the dining room where his parents were waiting for him. They could detect the conflict of emotions going through Jensen. His mother just squeezed his hand, comfortingly just the right note of “It's gonna be alright”. With a heavy sigh, he dug in, followed by a mild chatter his mom kept alive by talking of baby and everything related to baby stuff that kept Jensen in a good mood. After the dinner, he tried helping his mom with cleaning the kitchen but she banished both him and father out claiming it should be left to ladies. Jensen just scoffed ready to remind her that he was capable of cleaning and taking care of his house. But seeing a stern look on his mother’s face he just turned and obeyed her like a good boy.

 Alan had set up the home theatre already and he poured a glass of soda for Jensen and a glass of wine for him and his wife. Alan kept Jensen engaged asking him of his day at work. A while after Donna came in and joined them and they watched the movie together. But halfway through the movie, Jensen’s eyes started drooping and his mother caught the sight. She poked her husband as they took in the look that Jensen presented. He was reclined back on the couch with a hand on his swell as if cradling his child. His eyes were closed and he was about to star drooling. He presented such a vulnerable form that his parents had to keep themselves from breaking down in front of him. They had held up, keeping a strong front in front of Jensen, but they were just as weeping for their son. They both knew Jensen loved and loved hard and this was beyond their capacity to help him heal. But they were determined to help him through this loss. Especially Donna. She didn’t raise her kids to be vulnerable. She had taught them to be strong enough to stray a storm. Yet, such immense loss could never be repaired with a click. Their son had weather this storm and they would be damned if they didn’t become his rock. Alan shook Jensen a little , “Hey buddy, time to go to bed. C’mmon. I can’t carry our ass upstairs. Let’s go.”

Alan helped his son get up and settle in his bed. Donna was already in the room, arranging the  pillows. Once Jensen was laid back in his bed, his father tucked him in nice and warm covering him with sheets and comforter. His mother kissed his forehead sweetly and bid him goodnight. In not even a minute, Jensen was asleep. Once in their bedroom, Donna gave up her strong act and broke down in the arms of her husband. She had endured Jensen’s heartbreak well but she needed to vent too. She could not see the haunted look in her baby’s eyes. She had supported him and kept him safe since childhood. Even when he came out as homosexual, she had settled him down and calmed him enough to be okay with his own sexual orientation. She had braved her son’s relationships and break ups. But she never had seen the complete surrender in Jensen in any relationship as opposed to with Jared. Jared was his sun and moon. He was his day and night. He was everything to Jensen and to see it suddenly being ripped away especially at a time which was supposed to be happy for them was too much even for her. She was a mother after all. Alan tried to calm her down but he too was becoming emotional. They fell asleep trying to comfort each other.

Jensen woke up in the middle of the night. His baby was not happy with full bladder and he needed to pee. He slowly got up and drained his bladder and returned back to bed. But the sleep was not coming easily. He turned to face Jared’s side. When he touched the cold sheet beside him, he could feel his presence. He shifted slightly and brought Jared’s pillow near him. He could swear the pillow still had the essence of his ex husband. Tears rolled down his eyes as he remembered it clear as day when Jared had practically called him a whore in front of Padalecki family. Jensen knew his husband had a love-hate relationship with his family. Senior Padalecki was a well known lawyer and he wanted his son to follow his footsteps. He was very straight and organized and did not tolerate swaying away from his plans. In short he was a hard ass. Jared initially had wanted to become an interior designer. And by the time he had passed high school he had developed an interest in architecture. It was because of his constant muse of art, he and his father were at conflict. Jared respected his dad immensely but he never conferred with his thoughts or process. They were never on the same page. But when Jared came out, his father saw it as a bargain chip and gave him two options :

1.Come out of the closet and leave the house without turning to family and cut off all contact with everyone.

2.He would be welcome but he had to enroll himself in law school and keep a public image as having a beautiful girl on his hands. Behind closed doors he would be free to do anything.

Seeing as freshly out of high school and deeply close to his sister, Jared gave in. However outspoken he was, he didn’t want to lose his siblings. He was too much invested in them. So he decided to keep up the farce even though it killed him. His father was friends with Courtese family and he and Genevieve had practically grown up as close friends. They both knew each other’s darkest desires. In fact Genevieve agreed to become his girlfriend and help him out. His plan was to become a lawyer get a job and once he’s settled as an associate with a lawyer, he would leave everything behind and not even his father would be able to keep him away from his family as by that time when Megan would be off on her own. He decided to keep up the farce. But in the process he found out that his Dad was cheating on his mom behind her back with Genevieve. He found out and could not keep it a secret. He had a big argument with his Dad and decided to let go of the matter and get out of this hell. He had an upper hand and bargained that he would leave but he’ll get financial aid for his architecture course and keep in touch with his siblings and in turn would never tell his mother what was happening. It killed him to do that to his mom and his guilt often swallowed him up but he longed for his freedom and he decided to part ways. His mother was furious with him for wanting to pursue architecture and he had parted with his parents in sour taste. He kept in touch with his siblings though. They were close.

 After completing his course, he had entered himself in exhibition where top firms would look for the best designers and that’s when Jensen had first met his soulmate. They had been drawn towards each other almost instantly and Jared’s designs had impressed Alan Ackles beyond words. He was hired immediately to look after their third estate in the city amongst five others throughout the country. After a year of dilly daily they both had confessed their feelings for each other and they were together for two years before they got married. So, when Jensen had called Jared’s parents after almost seven years of silence from Jared’s part, letting them know about their son’s condition, they had come running down.

The first encounter Jensen had with them was quite memorable when after meeting Jared, they both had immediately spoken to Jensen with disdain and blamed him for his ordeal. They also blamed him for their son’s attitude towards them. It was after spending a rather traumatic one month with Jared at his home that his husband, one afternoon, without telling him packed his bags, called his mother and went back to his childhood home. After a day full of panicking and constantly nagging JDM, he found out that Jared had left and was living with his family. When he confronted his husband about the same, Jared said it was all too much for him and that he was deeply in love with Genevieve but if they're married, as Jensen claimed, he’d like to take it slow. They had decided to keep seeing other monthly. It was a month and a half of dating his husband while also seeing him play lovey dovey with Genevieve and arranging Megan’s marriage that Jensen had finally gathered the courage to tell Jared of their impending parenthood. He had found out the same day in hospital where he had collapsed and was admitted. That day he was told that he was three weeks along. It was bitter sweet news for Jensen. He had immediately called his parents and they had come rushing to help him calm down. He was anguished. It was a two full days of constant questioning by Jared and nagging to see his parents that Jensen gave in. He told Jared the whole truth, well as much as he knew. He never told him about his dad cheating on his mom. He felt it was not his position to tell him that but today it seems it was the stupidest mistake he had done. Maybe letting Jared know would have been better. It was an after- thought though. Hot sobs broke him when his mind supplied Jensen with specific images of the day Megan was married. It all came down the hill during the reception, where a bout of nausea had hit Jensen.

For Padalecki family, Jared was still hiding in closet and Genevieve seemed to be too comfortable playing along with Jensen’s husband. But the look in her eyes was anything but innocent. She had a chat with Jensen earlier that day, when in specific terms she told him that she was going to blackmail Jared into marrying him after they spent a night getting drunk together. It was all planned and had Jared not left, she was going to marry him anyway. What Jensen didn’t miss was the fact that no one apparently new about the behind closed doors meetings Genevieve and Senior Padalecki were having. Genevieve or Gen apparently (Hey, he was not the only Jen or Gen in Jared’s life now) had told him in no certain terms that now that Jared was back, he needed to back off as she was never letting him go. But Jensen was so full of himself, he didn’t think that his husband would question him in front of everyone. Somewhere in his heart he knew that Jared had to feel something towards Jensen. Even after a month of awkward dates and closed conversations with Jared, he was sure that Jared loved him and one day would come back to him. He might have lost his husband but the hope never left him. Even the doctor’s had told them it was a case of temporary amnesia. That Jared’s memories would come back but he was not to be forced or strained. Or he might lose all his memories. When he saw his husband kissing Genevieve under the tree inside the gazebo while Jensen was keeping their child safe under his heart, had him seeing red. He had confronted Jared, right there and then

“How dare you? I’ve been trying to help you, support you, giving you all I can and you repay me by cheating on me? How could you?”

“Hey, don’t come yelling at me. I know I told you I am good with you as my friend but we’re nothing more than that”

And Jensen’s resolve broke a little. “N-Nothing more? Jared we’re married!! You’re my husband! I’m having your child! The child that was created out of love! How can you say that? I love you, and I know somewhere down the line you love me too” Jensen was hoping like hell that his husband would at least stay for the sake of their child. He could see Jared getting livid.

“How dare you?”, Jared roared “I am not your husband. And even if we’re as you say-- married, I don’t remember you. I don’t remember a fucking thing about being your husband. For all I know you might be after my father’s firm and his money” (yeah, like Jensen would need money) “And you freak of a nature, how can you claim the child that is yours to be mine as well. As far as I am concerned, I know for a fact I haven’t touched you in two months. In fact who knows who the father is! You’re just here to cause a scene. Don’t you dare ruin it for my sister you whore. And don’t you fucking dare to call that” pointing at Jensen’s middle, “as mine. Now get out of my sight before I forget that my Mom taught me manners.”

Jensen went pale. Then he went white. Out of all the things he never thought his own husband would disown him. That too, publicly. Hot tears strolled down his eyes as he took in the disgusting looks from the Padalecki's and a smug look from Genevieve.

Mackenzie, who had been watching it all and had accompanied Jensen just to keep an eye on him came running in time to help Jensen keep straight just when his knees buckled. “Hey, hey, Jensen” She spat at Jared with anger , “You dirty son of a bitch. We all endured your merciless grinding of Jensen for months. Hell, he went through your mood swings for two months and kept you healthy for two months, despite being not in a situation to do it, and this is how you repay him? Even if you don’t remember, he is your fucking husband. You fucking married him in a ceremony at Ackles estate. And you disown him just because he called you out about you indecent behavior.”

“Hey, just because your fragile brother could not keep it, doesn't mean you should go along with his lies” spat Genevieve from beside Jared.

And Mackenzie saw red. “You bitch, you are the reason why Jensen is in this state. Jensen didn't want to overwhelm you guys and that’s why didn’t disclose his status but when this news reaches Alan Ackles, you’ll be buried so deep that not even your pretty faces would save you.” seeing the shocked faces, Mackenzie continued, “That’s right. This right here is Jensen Ackles, head of Ackles empire. And I’m Mackenzie, his sister. He and Jared had mutually decided to keep it close. But you, you disgust me. A man who loves you with all his heart comes to you to share the happiest moment of his life and you treat him this way?” She knew she shouldn’t interfere, but one look at her brother made a decision for her, “ Jared, I know its hard for you to understand everything. Hell, maybe I don’t know. But what I know is that you and Jensen shared a very profound bond. It was like seeing a soul come together and shine brightly. Just because you’re afraid of your reputation and playing along with your father, don’t ruin this. Don’t ruin the best thing that has happened to you. I’m begging you to give it a thought.”

Just then she was interrupted by Jensen. Jensen didn’t know from where the sudden strength came from but seeing the emotions play and the admiration he had caught on his husband’s face when Jared had kissed Genevieve, he had arrived at a decision. He wasn’t sure he would survive it but seeing his baby under watchful eyes, he had to do something. “Jared, I’m sorry. I am at fault. I promised you through sickness and health and seeing at you right now, I can’t. This cold version of you, that stooped so low as to disowning your own child, I won’t stand that. It’s your child too. But I see that this version of you don’t belong to me. So, I apologize for all the heartache I caused you, keeping you away from Gen…Divorce papers would be delivered to you by tomorrow evening. Goodbye” He heard the small gasp from beside and his sister begging him not to do this, but relieved sigh that escaped Jared didn’t go unnoticed by Jensen. So he took in everything that was Jared for the last time and walked away where JDM was standing with his boys containing the crowd and making way for Jensen into the limo. Once he entered the limo he broke down as he heard the noise of his heart breaking into millions of pieces.

A knock on his door, caught his attention and Jensen sat up. He didn’t realize it was morning and he had spent the rest of the night reminiscing about the worst day of his life. But a strong jab to his stomach had him surprised. Today he was entering fifth month of his pregnancy and at his last check up, his doctor had told him to look out for a movement that he could feel from his baby. He brought both his hands on the spot where he felt the movement and was surprised by another jab. His mother was calling his name worriedly but he paid no attention. All his focus was on his baby which was responding to his emotions. He felt another kick and he started laughing and crying hysterically at the same time. His baby was responding. He could feel the baby was not happy with his emotional state and he decided to do better. He caught a worried look on his mother’s face and saw his father coming in breathless.

“What the hell happened? Jensen, son, are you alright?”

 “yeah, it’s  just...the baby”

 “What? What happened? Is the baby okay? Is something wrong?”

“No, everything’s fine. The baby kicked. ''

The Grandparents were over the moon and started gushing about their grandchild It was a joyful event at Ackles that day. The doctor’s visit had been uneventful confirming steady and on track growth of his baby. Josh and Mackenzie had made a surprise visit that evening. Being surrounded by family made Jensen feel warm. It felt good to know that his family never abandoned him. And they stood by him through all the drama. Jensen was more surprised to see that even his best friends were invited that evening. Chris, Steve, Danneel and even Tom and Mike had flown down from L.A. to spend over the weekend with him. But it was seeing Chris that made Jensen tear up some more. His best friend had been his guide through thick and thin in his absence during this whole fiasco had weighed heavy on Jensen’s shoulders. But seeing him today being enveloped in his arms was enough to send him tumbling down the memory lane he so wanted to thoroughly forget. After Jensen settled down some, Chris and Steve played some songs which were Jensen’s favorite and the ones they enjoyed composing in college. They were having a great time. That night , Chris asked Jensen to promise him something ‘

“Jensen, you know I’ll be here when and where you need me. Just promise me that when that asshole of a husband gets his memories back, you’ll take it as slow as it comes. Don’t go and fall hopelessly for him again. I know it’s not his fault but this inhuman version of Padalecki is not sitting well with me. Just promise me you'll let me kick his ass to sunset, yeah?” making Jensen laugh out loud.

“I promise”

After that eventful night, Jensen settled into his routine of not being without Jared. He knew he would never love anyone else. He’d never be able to love anyone else as dearly as he loved Jared. Jared was Jensen’s -The One. His beginning and his end. Many times they had fantasized about spending their lifetime together. Getting old, wrinkly and grey. Watching their kiddos grow up.

_“At least three, Jen. I want at least three kids. Running around with dogs that can grow up with them. Watch them become big and beautiful. Our own pile of puppies. Grow old and watch them. All of it right besides you. Right by you. With you. Together. I wanna grow old with you, Jen. All with you. Never without you, not even a second. We’ll be together, right Jen?”_

_“Hey, what’s with the mood lately? You know all of it is true.”_

_“It's just…sometimes I think about my parents and ... I don’t wanna be like them. Growing apart. I just wanna hold you and never let you go. I know we’ll never sway away from each other. It’s just…. You’ll be with me, right”_

_Knowing Jared’s need to be acknowledged loudly Jensen agreed with a fond look in his eyes.“Yeah Jay, we’ll grow old together.”_

Jensen didn’t know that instead of Jared’s fears coming true, it would be Jensen’s biggest nightmare. If Jensen had known it then, he would have drunk all of Jared Padalecki as much as he could. The kiss that followed that particular conversation was slow and sweet and full of assurance. Later that night when, they made love, it was full of emotions. Of being so damn sure of having it all for the rest of their lives. And when Jared entered inside of Jensen, after a long prep, never letting go of each other’s eyes, it was all Jensen ever wanted in his life. That sense of fierce belonging. And when Jared started moving inside of Jensen, they consumed all the emotions shining in each other’s eyes. Every thrust had a meaning behind it. Of many promises ...unspoken...of many such close intimate moments to share...of letting all the love shine in their eyes…of a sense of belonging...of feeling right…of being made for each other...of being held by each other. And when they both hit the climax, Jared following after Jensen, never once leaving the sight of each other, it was a blend of fact that when one falls apart the other will be there to take care of them and pulling back all the pieces together to fit perfectly and complement each other. It was never such intense. It was rare but that night. Jensen had felt ecstasy of such intimate level that he never even considered being away Jared. It was that emotional high that led to tears streaming down both their eyes. Of happiness..of having found each other. Of having found the other part of their soul without which they were incomplete. They fell asleep sharing slow and passionate kisses, never believing for one second that they’d eventually fall apart. But it had been exact opposite and it still made Jensen wonder of what sort of cruel thing did he do in his life to face this bitch face of Karma. What had he done so wrong that his life had fell apart so bad.

Everytime Jensen thought about it, he felt raw. He could even swear that he missed his husband so much that he could feel his presence beside him sometimes. Feel him right behind in the shower, hands caressing his belly, loving his child. Jensen could feel the warmth of heat encompassing him everytime he opened his husband's closet to wear his stuff. It would make him feel safe as if he was in Jared’s tight embrace. As if Jared’s never letting go. Jensen knew he should take it easy. So much of emotional turmoil was not good for the baby and he tried his best. He tried his best to avoid the trip down this memory lane but once he got in his bedroom he could feel his resolve crumbling and every night he would fall into uneasy sleep. Dreaming of Jared. His beautiful eyes, his dimples, his stupidly long floppy hair that Jensen loved to touch while being intimate. His soft lips. His lively heart. His bubbliness. His contagious happiness. His strong resolve and stubbornness. His open mindedness. His sweet endearments he would whisper into Jensen’s ears every night before going to sleep. Making Jensen feel whole and bright. His soft kisses on Jensen’s forehead before going to and coming back from work. His stupidly amazing back massages and foot rubs that Jensen enjoyed so much. He used to tease Jared that he could never stop touching Jensen. Had Jensen known this would be the end result, he would never have uttered a word against it. This restlessness was all it took for Jensen to fall down without anyone noticing. He was at his work as usual. Distracting himself, as he liked to call it. When suddenly during the meeting while giving presentation, he collapsed because of exhaustion. When he opened his eyes again, he was in a private room with various machines attached to his body and a sound of beeping. He was confused at first but then he realized he was in hospital.

The first thing that came to his mind was his baby. The thought of something happening to his baby made him more uneasy. But he didn’t have to ask as his nurse called for doctor the moment he woke up and within minutes the doctor along with his parents came stumbling into the room. “You gave us quite a scare Mr. Ackles.” God, he felt his mouth dry like cotton. He tried speaking though coming out more of a grimace.

“ Yeah…..the baby”

“The baby is fine and thank god for that. But we can’t have you making frequent trips here, Mr. Ackles. As great it is to have you here, we don’t want you visiting all the time. It not healthy. Now could you care to explain why you’re not having good rest?”

How could he possibly answer that? How could he tell the doctor that he doesn't know how to rest. He has forgotten how to sleep without his husband ...err...his ex-husband by his side. How could he possibly make them all understand that he’s fighting and living for his baby. That if not for his baby, he would have had a serious case of insanity. But it didn’t came out like he was supposed to say.

“I don’t know…” he gulps and swallows the ice chips that his mother brings to his mouth, “..how to” ….. _live, breath and stay alive_ “...be without him.” He admitted quietly, without making eye contact with anyone. He knew he was being pathetic. He knew he was a pussy for not letting go. But that’s problem, he somehow can’t. He can’t let Jared go. His mother cupped his cheeks and wiped the tears from his eyes ,

“Jensen, I would never understand what you’re going through. I can never. But son, you can’t let your baby suffer now, can you?”

“I’m sorry…..” he says, hiccuping, “I know...I’m trying Momma, I really am. It's just too hard. I’ll be better. I promise.”

“Maybe you should just shift from your place and stay somewhere else.” the doctor quips from behind his expressions resembling pity and sadness. “It's important that you sleep well, Mr.Ackles. We cannot have any type of problem at this stage. You were dehydrated when you were brought here. I can never claim to understand the pain you’re going through, Mr.Ackles, but if you don’t take care of yourself, there’s a pretty much 70% chance that you’ll miscarry your baby. We don’t want that now, do we?”

Hearing Doctor’s words made Jensen blanche. He came so close to losing his baby. He’s surviving this heartbreak because of this baby. He loved her too much. But he didn't know if he’d survive if he loses his baby too. He knows he would rather die than watch his baby leave too. He can’t. So he does the only thing he can and nods at all the instructions the doctor gives. But he refuses the only thing that is necessary for his well being

“I can’t move out of the house. I feel safe there. It's my sanctuary. I don’t know if I’ll survive that too. At least…” he chokes midway…”At least I have his essence there.” The doctor suggested him pills then, and asks if he’s having any other symptoms of distress. He knows what the doctor is suggesting and he absolutely not talking or going to any shrink to talk of his heartbreak. Instead, he agrees to take the pills, which after prodding the doctor he is assured they’re safe for the baby.

Once back at home, Jensen indulges his time in nursery, focusing more on happy things, like the crib that his father brought over which was his own childhood crib. He feels amused and proud of , passing onto his child, something that is his legacy. He goes for shopping with Mackenzie for baby clothes and breaks down at the sight of their size. So tiny. And it is then that he’s hit with the wonderment that he’s gonna be responsible for something so tiny and vulnerable that can only survive depending on him. It's then that he resolves never to back down without a fight. He’s gonna miss Jared like hell during everything. He just has to make sure that he’s available for the baby first. The baby is now his priority as it's the only thing that’s gonna keep him connected with his love.

The weeks move slowly but his family keeps him busy and he himself indulges into the baby and his well being so much that he nearly misses the fact that he’s hit eight months already. Jensen’s at his peak of hormonal changes and mood swings. Everyone around him are constantly on toes. No one knows when and what will set off the waterworks. The worst part is that he never seems to be able to stop them on time and even had embarrassing moments breaking down even in front of his staff. He doesn't care about his looks though. He notices his eyes have lost all the luster- a fact that Joshua brought to his notice but he didn't have it in himself to care about it. He’s done focusing on himself. Jensen just wants the best for the baby and he’s gonna ensure that his baby grows up surrounded by love and laughter and never the heartbreak that Jensen has had to suffer through. He knows it's not in his hands, he knows he can never stop it from someone playing into your life and taking it all away, yet he’s determined that if any day, throughout her life in any case, if and only if Jensen allows anyone near her, if she goes through the same, Jensen will be there for her. He'll stand by her and maybe just help more properly because he’s known first hand what it's like to lose someone you dearly love.

Now that he’s on pills, he sleeps deep and dreamless, colorless. It sometimes feels that there are no more colors left in his life except for the ones he’s sanctioned his father and brother to paint on the walls of his baby girl’s room. Soft cream and lavender with a hint of sea green dancing on the walls. The crib is mahogany and he had commissioned Mackenzie to buy a rocking chair, changing tables and dressers to match and compliment the crib. On one of the walls, Danneel had called in favors and her friend had mural made in the scene of sea waves hitting the shore with the first rays of sun shining in the background. Again it was on Jensen’s instruction. Little did anyone know that it was Jared’s opinion that the sea waves hitting shores, receding and coming back with full force resembled the life motto of never giving up and always keep fighting while the sun rays promised a new dawn in every life full of happiness. He wanted his daughter to live by it and share this beautiful meaning behind the mural in her bedroom that her daddy lived by.

Jensen sometimes drifted off into space in afternoon, just trying to picture his daughter. He prayed that she inherited her father’s ever changing hazel eyes, his cute button nose, his dark brown floppy hair with waves and curls, his dimpled smile and mostly his beautiful heart. He wanted his child to look like Jared so that he could enjoy something beyond his misery that was left of Jared and be thankful about it.. Not that he would love her any less if she turned out to be like Jensen. He would smile whenever he would think of his daughter and his hand would automatically slide caressing his stomach, cradling his child. It didn’t take long for Jensen to go into mind space again. It was the news that he overheard while Josh shared it with his parents that Jared was getting married to Genevieve.

That day, his resolve broke some and he cried his heart out to heavens for making him face such cruel side of fate. It took time and some nagging from his mother and a chat with Chris for Jensen to finally accept that he would never ever have his Jay back in his life. He knew it was too little too late but that talk with Chris had finally helped Jensen to accept the truth. It was after Josh had finally taken over from his parents and decreed that Chris come over kick Jensen’s ass into Monday to make him see the facts. Plain and Simple.

Chris flew down immediately. At first it was a surprise for Jensen to see that Chris and Steve both had come to visit him but by the evening when the three had settled down at poolside with some drinks and lemonade for Jensen, it dawned on him what exactly was going on and he was furious. Furious with Josh for going behind his back and telling on him. Furious with Chris for keeping it from him and furious with himself for being weak and vulnerable enough to show and get noticed by people around him when in fact he had tried hard to do the exact opposite of it and bundle down all his sorrow with himself. After his initial outburst Steve engulfed Jensen in a tight embrace that led to hot breathtaking sobs releasing from him and Jensen broke down like he had never. All his pent up emotions toppling down on him, he was finally letting go. All his emotions, all his wants, his anger, his shock, everything. When he quieted down after what seemed like an eternity, Chris said,

“Jensen, I know it’s not easy. Hell I don’t even know what you’re going through and God forbid I don’t even want to. But if life throws exactly what it did to you my way, I know I would never bundle up and hide in my mind space. Yes, I would be left heartbroken and yes, I would be mad and livid and sad and all. But what I would never do is reminiscent in it. If I did what you’re doing, I would only be hurting myself and I won’t even have precious cargo with me. But you do. What you’re doing is only hurting you and your baby. The baby, Jensen! Does your baby mean so less to you that you’re ready to hurt her just so you can rewind your time with Jared and get yourself hurt again?”

This earned a very horrid Jensen glaring at Chris. If looks could kill, Chris would be hot ashes about right now. Not trusting his husband’s survival instincts, Steve jumped in, “What Chris is trying to say is Jensen, that Jared has let go of you. Hell he’s even marrying that bitch just to please his father. You should do it too. Hell if even after spending a month with you and not understanding or even trying to understand you, he divorced you without a second thought then you should at least try and get him out of your system. He ain’t coming back. He’s gone. But Jensen you have your baby to look forward to. Don’t deny your present just because your past threw you in a loop. Don’t do that Jensen. Jared’s not worth trying to drown two lives at a time.”

“I-I’m sorry. You guys had to come down to deal with my neurotic ass but no one can understand what I’m going through. No. One. But I get what you’re saying. The recent trip to hospital did knock some sense into me. I’m trying. I will try my best and try hard. But give me time. I had my whole fut-future planned out in front of me with my husband by my side and to have it all suddenly ripped off…” He tried his best not to break down again.

There was a sudden movement in his belly and he touch his stomach to soothe his child. He got the message. His child was not okay with his emotional turmoil. “ I will le---let go. I will. Just. No more memory lane from today. Only focusing on me and my baby’s health. I’m gonna be a Papa in some days. After all.”

From then on, Jensen had accepted the truth. He started taking a stroll in the garden. He restarted his office work from home Okay maybe only for an hour. But he did. Then he spent his time sorting out his baby’s clothes and decorating his baby’s crib or settling her toys in the room. By evening he would talk business with his Mom and Dad. A movie night or a discussion on recent books read and after dinner he and his mom would sit by poolside dipping their legs in water making happy memories. It was like he blinked and he landed in crucial phase of his pregnancy. His doctor was pleased with his progress. He had finally gained some weight and he was having a very good night sleep. He was tired all the time and even afternoon naps were sound. But his back ache and swollen feet did not do good for his mood. He was more grumpy and more emotional. But he was much better than what he was back in the day. He was due in two weeks. His bag was packed and ready. His parents were on toes anytime. The doctor had told them that because of complications during the pregnancy and because of Jensen’s age, there was a possibility that he might go into labour early. But he had to ensure that even a slight pain in his abdomen, he had to notify his doctor immediately No one was ready to take the risks and Jensen readily agreed.

He was in his living room surfing through some channels when his Dad dropped by and he noticed that his father had a box of CD’s with him. He looked curiously at his father and Alan said, “found these in garage. I thought  we could just go through them once with you, before cleaning them out. Might find something interesting.” They found a one particular CD that Jensen immediately recognized. It was their CD. They were their songs. The ones they played on their wedding. It included the song that they had danced on as a couple for the first time, the song that they had dedicated to each other on Valentine’s, the one Jensen had picked on Jay’s birthday as a part of surprise and the one that they had walked down the aisle with and the one that they danced on as husbands for the first time, and the one that was Jared’s favorite. Jensen had not touched that CD since the day he packed all that stuff and stored in garage when Jared left. He did not want any reminder of his heartbreak. But those songs, they were a reminder of happy times. A sudden urge to listen to them hit Jensen. He asked his Dad to put on the music and his father held his hand through it all. With a soda and beer for his Dad. But the one song in particular, hurt something in Jensen and he started leaking tears. As the lyrics hit his ears, he was left defenseless against the emotional assault the song did on him.

He remembered how Jared looked as he walked down the aisle towards him. How relieved Jensen was that Jared hadn’t developed cold feet that Jared was there. Waiting for Jensen.

_Heart beats fast_

_Colors and promises_

_How to be brave_

_How can I love when I'm afraid to fall_

_But watching you stand alone_

_All of my doubt, suddenly goes away somehow_

He took a step towards him. Jay was beautiful in his black tux, hugging him tight. His hazel eyes shone with such adoration that Jensen was left breathless.

_One step closer……_

He felt so much love for this man who had become his world that his heart felt like it would burst out and land at Jared’s feet.

_I have died everyday, waiting for you_

_Darling, don't be afraid,_

_I have loved you for a thousand years_

_I'll love you for a thousand more…………_

Suddenly Jared was there sticking is hand out. An invitation to join him in this journey to eternity.

_Time stands still_

_Beauty in all she is_

_I will be brave_

_I will not let anything, take away_

_What's standing in front of me_

_Every breath, every hour has come to this._

He kept his hand on Jay’s and allowed him to guide him through towards the altar.

_One step closer…….._

And Oh Lord! He was gonna get married. He was gonna be a husband of this beautiful soul standing right in front of him. The sudden realization brought tears to his eyes and he was taken with the beauty and intimacy of the situation. They were going to be together for rest of their lives. They were going to be together for fucking forever. He looked up directly into his partner’s eyes and whispered “I love you” which earned a brilliant dimpled smile and a kiss to forehead in return. And he knew that he had found his match.

_I have died everyday, waiting for you_

_Darling, don't be afraid,_

_I have loved you for a thousand years_

_I'll love you for a thousand more_

_And all along I believed, I would find you_

_Time has brought your heart to me,_

_I have loved you for a thousand years_

_I'll love you for a thousand more........_

As the song came to an end he didn’t know, he had both his parents sitting besides him. His father holding his left hand while his mother wiping away his tears. He was so sick of them but he didn’t care. This was their song and listening to it had his box of memories popped wide open. Jensen could not stop the harsh sobs escaping him no matter how hard he tried, when suddenly a string of pain shot through him and he cried out. His parents were suddenly in front of him asking if something was wrong. He wanted to scream at them for even asking the stupid question. He was in so much pain. It felt like his daughter was punishing him for all his actions of the past. Jensen managed to let his father know that he needed hospital now. Just like that he was hit with the irony of the situation. It was Jared who was supposed to be with him. He was going to deliver his daughter. He heard some paramedics come in, his mother gasping out about blood. He figured he was bleeding. But somehow his daughter was so pissed with him that she did not want to slow down. He was panicking and by the time the ambulance came around the hospital he had given up his fight and welcomed unconsciousness

. When he opened his eyes, it was to the sound of Jared. Jensen did not know if he should be happy or mad at Jared for leaving him all alone for so long. He watched as his husband cradled their daughter to his heart and cooed at her. He suddenly needed both his lifelines near him. “Jay….Oh God, Jay is that you?” Jared slowly turned towards him and he was greeted with a dimpled smile.

“Hey Jen, look who’s here. You did so good. Your sheer strength amazes me.”

To have heard his husband call him “Jen” was like a relief to his burning ears. He smiled so bright he thought his cheeks would hurt.

“C’mere Jay, you were gone so long. Why did you leave? And how are you here? I wanna be near you. Just come here.”

He wanted to touch Jared, to feel him holding their daughter. He wanted to feel it. That it was not his imagination that Jared was really here. For good. But as his husband took a step, he frowned because he was heading for the door and not towards him.

“Jay, I’m here. C'mon man. I wanna see our daughter too.”

Suddenly Jared started laughing. Jensen was puzzled. But what he heard next took the life out of Jensen.

“Oh Jen, you’re so stupid. I’m not here to take her to you. I’m here to take my daughter away from you. She’s mine. I’ve every right to raise her. Give her a loving home and I can only do that with my wife. So, I’m taking her. She’ll be raised with me. I promise she’ll be loved. Okay. And I’ll make sure she never sees you. You were just a medium. I’ll have my happily ever after with my wife.”

And he ran towards the door laughing his way out. Jensen screamed so hard, he thought he could faint.

“Noooooooo…My baby.”

He went hysterical. He was trashing on bed when nurses finally made it to his room. He was calling out, “My baby...he took my baby away….please someone save my baby. Pleaseee. My baby...Nooooo”

He willed his heart that this was all a nightmare just a figment of his imagination. He suddenly couldn't breath and he felt like he was choking. The room was spinning , he closed his eyes shut and the only thought he had in mind was that he had not only lost his husband but also his baby. He was worthless. He couldn’t keep the people he loved with him. That thought gave away to more tears and he heard noises in background “He needs to be stable. Can you hear me Mr. Ackles ? Breath… Just breath. Focus on your breathing. Focus on my voice.”

He wanted to shout a big fuck you to the doctor. His daughter was taken away from him and all his doctor seemed to care about was his breathing! So he opened his eyes only to shut at the people around him only to be greeted with bright white light. He blinked twice. And noticed the beeps of machines in background. The nurses and doctor looming over, checking him over. He heard a loud wail in the background and started to calm down figuring his daughter was back and she was safe. After gaining some consciousness he reealized that he was indeed having a dream and that his daughter was tucked away safely in his sister’s arms. After gaining a bit of his orientation back, he asked “What happened?”

“It's the question I must be asking you, Mr.Ackles. You were hemorrhaging when they brought you here. You had lost a lot of blood. So we decreed an immediate cesarean to be performed. The baby was in distress. But we were able to save her in time. She’s born healthy. 20 inches and 5lbz 3oz. You are lucky Mr. Ackles, your girl was delivered safe but we lost you in state of temporary coma. It's been 30 hours since then Mr.Ackles .I guess your brain was trying to wake you up. I’d take a guess you were woken up by a dream?”

“Yeah…and not a good one.”

Jensen thought back and relaxed when he sensed that it was his mind playing tricks on him. His doctor updated him on his health status. The do’s and don'ts and was further told that until the doctor is satisfied with his progress, he was staying here itself. After sometime, the door opened and his family came in bearing balloons and flowers and big teddy and a doll with his mother leading the herd with pink bundle in her arms. He was transfixed. He didn’t know how he managed to pick his daughter up but he came to his senses only when she blinked up at him, hazel eyes shone brilliant and seemed to tilt more blue at the moment, just like her father. They were big just like him. She had golden brown hairs like Jared and her nose was cute button. Her cheeks and nose were marked with freckles all over. Her ears just like Jensen. Her lips were full and pink just like him. She was beautiful. He got his wish. She looked a perfect mix of two but more a tilt towards Jared. She was long. Just like her daddy. He held her close, feeling the warmth of love filling his heart and a pint of possessiveness. This baby girl was his. His to love, care and raise. He gave her his pinky and she grabbed it tight. He chuckled.

“Hey baby girl, I know you. I made you. You’re so beautiful, baby, aren’t you? Just like your daddy. I’m so happy to meet you. You’re all mine. I love you so much. So much baby girl! Welcome to the world” He kissed her gently on her forehead and gazed adoringly at her as she got busy sucking up his pinky.

“Do we have a name yet?” His sister piped up. He looked at his family at once. He was so blessed to have them in his life. And he felt gratitude towards them for hanging by his side through it all. Jensen didn’t think he’d ever love anyone as much as  he loved Jared but looking at his daughter he thought all his beliefs could fly out the window. There was nothing more important than her. Nothing more lovable than her. She was a centre of his world. A new world without Jared. With his daughter in his hands he can conquer the whole world, he thought. He smiled.

“Family, meet Anna-Jay Grace Ackles.”

He had thought long and hard on baby names. When he spent time reading books of baby names he had decided he would name her Anna. But he wanted her to have something of her father too. So he named her after her daddy. Anna-Jay. Looking at her he knew he’d made the right choice.

 

_Six Weeks Later………._

Jensen was strolling in his backyard with Anna-Jay or AJ as she was quickly nick named. He couldn’t believe she was a month old already. He was stressed during his pregnancy on how he could single handedly raise a child. But having her home, he managed quite well and easy. She was a good girl. Slept through the night, only waking up once at midnight for feeding but woke up sharp 5 in the morning and slept sharp 8 in the evening. She would take a good afternoon nap of 3 hours after she had been fed properly. She had gained substantial weight in last month and now had chubby cheeks. There was a hint of rose in evening breeze. He was bouncing her as she dozed quietly on his shoulder. Once she was settled down, he put her down in her crib, switched on the baby monitor and went in his master bath to take a shower. Jensen took a long hot shower. It was his shush time as he had told his baby girl. It was only in this time that he allowed his mind to drift off. He thought about how unfortunate it is that his baby girl would never know her other father. The one who had craved her so much. The one whose looks she had inherited. He felt sad for Jay. He would never know his baby girl. He let his mind contemplate the irony somehow and was brought back when the shower turned cold. Once showered and dressed he went down to stop dead in his tracks at seeing who his parents were talking to.

He blinked twice, thrice but the figure remain rooted at the spot. He felt his heart beating fast. He didn’t know what exactly he was feeling. He rather figured he was numb. Because the cause of his distress for 11 long months was here. Sitting in his living room. Talking to his parents. Jared Padalecki was here.

He got up as soon as he saw Jensen. Jared didn’t know how he could have done what he did. He was so ashamed and embarrassed. But he figured he didn’t want to be estranged to his baby. His newly formed family. But he didn’t know if he had the right to call them his. He had it all. Jared had his happily ever after and he had blew it right off. He had forgotten the reason of his existence and practically insulted the love of his life. Yet, he felt like it was his punishment to stand in front of Jensen and be begged to be forgiven. He knew, he had a lot to reason for which was not reasonable at all. He just knew that he had a lot to explain. Why he would trash a man, a pregnant man even when he was out of his mind was beyond him. The only thing Jared knew was his father’s deal. But he also knew that by the time the he thought he would want to break the deal, he was already in love with Genevieve and he figured that he could make it through. She was the center of his gravitation. So, Jared had done the only thing he knew was reasonable and proposed her after Megan’s wedding. He did not remember anything related to Jensen. The whole month that he was with Jensen at his home, his father had daily mentioned how wrong it was when he had Genevieve ready for him back at their house. And stupidly in his fear of letting Jensen down, he had chosen a more stupid path. Of Being an asshole. He felt nauseated even today as he thought of what he had allowed himself to do. All out of fear. Fear that somehow Jensen would reject the new him. That because he had forgotten his life his husband would find him lacking and throw him away that he would leave him. This fear had led to him doing the thing he would regret for the rest of his life.

He walked out on Jensen even before Jensen could do the same. He was happy...well partly. He didn’t know why he was feeling a little low like there was a pit in his stomach which grew wider each passing day as he planned his wedding with Genevieve. She was as cool as she was. jared just didn’t know why suddenly he didn’t seem as happy with her as much as the prospect of happiness he thought he would have.  He found her annoying, at times rude and heartless. But yet, he was doing it because he loved her and because he had already divorced Jensen. He was going through the files when Genevieve dragged him to the hall to select a song for their wedding. They were throwing the songs back and forth when suddenly …..

_Every night in my dreams I see you,_

_I feel you That is how I know you go on…………_

_Far across the distance And spaces between us_

_You have come to show you go on_

It was stupid and cliche but it struck a chord with Jared and he was about to suggest to go with it when suddenly his mind was filled with images…..blur at first.

_Near, far, wherever you are_

_I believe that the heart does go on_

_Once more you open the door_

_And you're here in my heart_

_And my heart will go on and on_

But then the images took form and shape and colors and his heart started beating fast. He felt a flutter in his stomach and not a good one. Jared knew in his gut that something was wrong. Very wrong. He just couldn’t pinpoint it yet.

_Love can touch us one time_

_And last for a lifetime_

_And never let go till we're gone_

_Love was when I loved you_

_One true time I hold to_

_In my life we'll always go on_

And he remembered, remembered looking into green orbs, full of love and sweet promises. Remembered promising those green eyes that he’ll always love them. Always.

_Near, far, wherever you are_

_I believe that the heart does go on_

_Once more you open the door_

_And you're here in my heart_

_And my heart will go on and on_

He remembered saying “I do”. He remembered marrying Jensen. He remembered loving Jensen. He remembered as they danced for first time as husbands. Remembered whispering the song into Jensen’s ears as the both swayed with the flow. Promising Jensen that his heart will always be safe with him.

_You're here, there's nothing I fear_

_And I know that my heart will go on_

_We'll stay forever this way_

_You are safe in my heart_

_and My heart will go on and on_

“Jen”.....”Jensen”.....”Jen”....

His head was pounding so hard, he feared it would drop off. He didn’t know how or when tears started flowing down or why Genevieve was calling his name. He just knew that whatever he had done was awful. He did the only thing he could do this time. He screamed “JEN” and welcomed unconsciousness.

When Jared woke up he was in his bed in his room and his mother was sitting beside him holding his hand. His first thought was about Jensen. His breath stuttered. He sat up but he felt dizzy. His mother gently pushed him down. Once he trusted he won’t have head rush, he sat up and his mind supplied him slowly with very awful thing he had done or said. Especially to Jensen. Jensen, the love of his life, His husband. The father of his child. Oh Good Lord! What had Jared done? Jensen was never going to forgive him. He was filled with rage. So much rage. Towards his parents, his siblings, Genevieve and himself. He hated himself for hurting the only man he promised never to hurt. Before he knew it he was trashing his lamp to the floor, his phone on the wall, tossed the pillows on ground and was ripping the sheets of his bed when his brother and father gripped his arms from behind and calmed him down. Once settled, he looked up at his mother with so much hurt and hate. How could a mother do that to her son?

“You, you did this. You all did. Oh my god! You compelled me to disown my own husband, my own child. Oh my god! You made me a monster. Why? why? Just so I could please your wishes? And what did you think would happen once I regained my memories back?”

He was throwing questions in direction of his family. It was his mother who spoke,

“We didn’t like your lifestyle JT. And we finally had our son back. You too seem to go with the flow and Genevieve is such a good girl. She’s perfect for you. I get Jensen Ackles is rich and stuff but Jared, he himself offered you divorce and he was the one to walk ....” She couldn’t finish as Jared interrupted her.

“No, no, NO. You let me think that I was in love with Genevieve. You let me think I would have lost everything, that being with Jensen was wrong when he begged me to believe that what he was saying was true. When he begged me to believe him ,when he showed me the proof of our wedding. When he told me that, our love had culminated into him conceiving our child.”

“Jared, c’mon. Boohoo he left you. Your parents tricked you. So what. They saved you. Who knows if Ackles was telling the truth. You yourself said that you’re not the father of the child, you can’t be. That’s what you said.” Genevieve said.

“Because I was afraid! Because I panicked. How dare you question Jensen you whore, you were fucking my father, remember?” Jared roared “That’s right. It was you and my father. You guys wanted to keep me in the business. Force me. Because ,you homophobic people could not fathom that their son was gay. And I tried to save you, Mom. From getting hurt. I walked away so that you would never found out. But it’s enough. You guys have cost me my life, I have to now deal with the after math.” He watched as a shocked Genevieve tried to approach him, “ Don’t you touch me. Don’t even come near me. I can’t believe I gave up Jensen just to keep you guys close. How could you let me insult a child? Or even a pregnant man in front of so many people? My God! You heartless people. I feel sick.”

“Jared we had a pact. How dare you boy?”

 “How dare me? How dare you? You call yourself a husband! I don’t wanna have anything to do with you or your lies. I’m warning you. Don't come near me or my family or I swear to God, I will hurt you. I can’t even stand to be around you anymore. I’m leaving.”

“Jared wait, Jared where would you go?” His brother came behind him and unlike his parents he never had a problem with homosexuals. He just didn’t want to speak his father. Gerald Padalecki was intimidating after all.

“I’m going to Jensen. To beg him to let me come home. And God willing if he does I’m never seeing your face ever again.”

“Jared, I’ll drive you out.” Jeffery surprised everyone including himself.

Once on the drive, he said, “You know, you could have come to me. I could have helped you out.”

“And how exactly would you have done that?”

Silence.

“That's what I was thinking. Leave it Jeff. I got away only because I found out the truth behind the mask of Senior Padalecki. I got a way to go under his skin. And I bought my ticket to freedom.”

“You know, Jensen loves you. It’ll probably take him time but he’ll forgive you eventually.”

“I hope so too, Jeff. I hope so too.”

Silence filled the drive as they headed their way to Jensen Ackles’s estate. The hope and fear and guilt led him to the doorstep of Ackles home. When he entered his eyes were red rimmed and face full of sorrow. So, when Donna Ackles saw him she ushered him inside and gave him a glass of water. Gulping it down in one go, he started giving away his story and bawling his eyes out asking for forgiveness and sobbing profusely. The Ackles heard him out and then the unthinkable happened as his mother-in-law said,

“I cannot say I understand but I forgive you Jared. Despite the fact I should not. I’m a mother who saw her son go to hell and back. Because of you. But I forgive you. You’re not to be blamed. It was all fate. Maybe you guys had to break apart to find your way back and share a bond stronger than before. Give it time. It’ll all be alright”

And he spoke out his thankfulness to his heart’s content. But when he saw Jensen standing by the stairs, his legs automatically jumped. Jared didn't know if he should approach Jensen or let Jensen approach him first. But his body was not in tandem with his mind as his legs gave away and he met Jensen halfway through the room. Jared thought he would get a greeting, a hug maybe a handshake but what he got was a sharp punch to his jaw. He was not shocked though. The first thing Jensen felt when it came down was rage. Anger at Jared for leaving, for insulting Jensen and, their child. And he did the only thing he thought. He punched Jared hard and good.

“You left. You left me, you son of a bitch. You left me, our daughter alone. You forgot me. You disowned our child. How could you? You heartless asshole. And now you stand in front of me to what? Ask for forgiveness. How can you? How?” Jensen was screaming at him, slapping his chest, punching his arm, crying his heart out.

“Jensen, stop. Hear me out please. Jensen. Jensen please. JEN.STOP.”

It was “JEN” that did it and he collapsed in the arms of his husband. Sobbing his pain away. But being in the arms of the man he loved, inhaling the musky scent brought relief to his heart. He felt his pain melting away.

Jared held Jensen through it all. He could understand. Hell he could feel Jensen’s pain. He felt his chest tighten in pain when he realized that he was the reason for Jensen’s state. He never liked Jensen crying. He’d vowed he’d never ever do that to him. Yet, today was a contrast to the vow he made. He had broken his promise. He felt terrible. Once Jensen stopped trembling and they both found some balance, it was time to sit down and talk like adults.

And boy was it a talk! When Jared explained Jensen everything that was the reason behind his unexplainable behavior, Jensen sat through everything in eerily silent mode. Once Jared was done, he only said one thing, “You hurt me Jared. I get that your medical condition was partly a reason but, acting like an asshole that you did, was not what I ever thought you’d do. I’ve already forgiven you for all that you made me go through but-but disowning your own child publicly is not something I can let go easily. You’ll have to prove to me that you indeed want your daughter in your life. That-That you want to get to know her. That you want your family back.”

Jared could not believe he was being let go easily. Was he ready to be a father? Hell yeah! It had been his dream. He’ll do everything in his power to make it up to his baby girl! A girl!! He wondered! But he still didn’t know where he stood with Jensen. Was Jensen willing to let Jared back into his life too. “I promise Jen. I’ll make it up to our daughter. Thank you for giving me a chance.” He hesitated for a moment but asked, because he needed to know. He knew he had done some things with Genevieve but he never had sex with her. Yet he could not deny that he had cheated on love of his life. “What about us, Jen? Do we have a chance?”

“I don’t know Jay. You were the one person who I thought would never hurt me yet you became the person who hurt me the most. I can’t trust you with my heart again only to find out you have feelings for your wife to be. If you get up tomorrow only to realize you don’t want me..I can’t go through it again. I barely survived this hell. I cannot do that a second time. I think it would kill me. We need to move on.”

Jared knew his relationship was beyond salvaging. He had lost Jensen the day he insulted him publicly. Yet there was this stupid hope inside him that maybe just maybe Jensen could let him back in his life again. He knew it would be tough but he at least expected a try. Jared didn’t outright expect rejection. His eyes swelled up as he listened to Jensen and his tale of heartbreak. He found his heart closing up at times. Getting too tight to even breathe normal. He never once looked at Jensen. Instead concentrated on the tips of his foot. He heard the message loud and clear.

“I get it Jen. I… I still want a life with my daughter if you will. Get to know her. See her sometimes maybe. Just….It will take me sometime okay. Give me sometime. I…...I can’t be around you knowing you’re not mine anymore. I know I should be the last person saying it. But, I will try okay...yeah. Try.”

Jared didn’t know what else to say. His eyes blurred and he suddenly stood up running to the door. He didn’t know how to breathe if Jensen was not in his life anymore. Jensen was his heart. His home. Now he had no home to go to. He had prayed that Jeff may be right but it was all hopelessly wrong. He distantly heard Jensen calling him. But stopped when he felt a hand on his wrist trying to stop him. Only then did Jared realize that he had his hand on the knob of the door.

“Where are you going Jared?”

And wasn’t that a silly question. Jared started laughing maniacally. Then he broke down. How do you tell the person you love that you can’t stand to hear the words of rejection coming out of his mouth? How could you tell the person who owns your heart that he cannot stand back and watch him move on with his life? How do you tell the person who you insulted and used so vile words for, that he still owns half his soul? How do you tell the person who was your home that you cannot fathom a life without him? How do you tell the person you love that you need him? That you don’t have a home and a life, without him being in it? How do you tell the person who ‘s your home that you are homeless? That you feel like you can’t be in the same breathing space as him? How?

“I’ll go wherever my legs take me, Jen. Right now I really don’t know where. But it's hard, to stand here and listen to you saying you have to move on. Because I can’t Jen. I can’t move on. I don’t think I’ll ever move on. I love you so much. So much it hurts. And to think you’d move on without me… But give me time okay. I’ll try. I'll ...”

His throat closed up again. Jared tried speaking again but the big lump in his throat won’t allow it. He was sobbing like a teenage girl on her first heartbreak but he couldn't care less. His heart was being ripped to shreds.

Jensen had been surprised when Jared suddenly stood up and headed to the door but understood where this was going. Jensen knew when his emotional ex husband had a knack to jumble up everything and understand all the things backwards. That’s why he was not surprised when Jared almost declared his undying love. His ex husband looked so vulnerable. He sounded so small. It physically hurt Jensen to look at Jared closing in on himself.

“Oh you moron, I was talking of moving forward together not away from each other. How can you be so smart and so stupid at the same time Jay?” Jensen very slowly took step towards Jared when his eyes comically widened as if he was having a hard time believing Jensen. Jensen softly touched his cheeks and wiped away his tears with his thumbs. “I love you too you know. I never stopped. Even when you left.” He told him. Jay was looking so innocent in all his glory with snot and tears covering his face yet he was the most beautiful thing Jensen had ever seen. He stood on his toes and caught his freaking tall ex husband by his side and gently kisses him. Jared was still confused when Jensen leaned on him but he caught on with the program real quick. He never let his eye shut even for a second. Because this distantly felt like a dream. Jared thought if he closed his eyes it’ll all be ripped away from him.

So, when they come back for air, foreheads still pressed together Jared silently praye, “Please let this be real. Please be real. Please be real.” He heard Jensen laugh a little and kiss him again. “Its real Jay. Its real.” And Jared scooped him up in his arms in a tight embrace. They knew they have a lot to make up for. A lot to process. But there’s time. Right now they need to feel each other and get acquainted with each other. It feels new. It feels free like falling back on a bed full of roses. Full of sweet promises and a future together.

 

_Six years later……………….._

“Daddy, daddy, lets jump in already. Hurry or Nat will take my blue floater” AJ is standing by the pool calling for Jared.

Sometimes it's hard to believe for Jensen that his baby girl has gotten so big.

“AJ no shouting. You know Nat gets weary of loud noises.” Jensen admonishes. Nathan Jacob Ackles or Nat is still a toddler. Barely three years old, already a terror on his feet. Unlike his big sister, who had the looks of her daddy and nature like her Papa, his three year old son seems to have taken after Jared (according to Sherry he was a terror on two feet giving his mother heart attacks all the time.) but looked a lot like Jensen. His children were perfect. However opposite they may be but they made his life perfect.

His husband splashed water on Jensen and cackled a bit when he glared daggers at Jared.

“Alright, who wants to jump first?” Jared comes back to surface after taking a dip back in water. They are all near pool and it's warm outside. Perfect day for poolside fun. Jensen is settled on the chairs with all the necessary things by his side. While Jared and kids are having fun in water. Its their way of celebrating Father's day.

With their busy schedules they don’t get much free time to spend a whole day with their kiddos as they want. So, such alone times were treasured thing. It was hard, getting back together, with Jared second guessing his every move while Jensen looking for other shoe to drop every time. But they made it. It took a lot of talking and a lot of reassurance that led to the happy life that they led today. And Jensen thanked all his stars everyday for seeing it fit to have Jared and his kids in his life.

Even with all the heartbreak, he wouldn’t have it any other way. A year after they were reunited, Sherry Padalecki, came knocking down on their door. Jensen was surprised at first but after listening to her, he had given her a second chance. She had known of her husband’s tryst with women, but she did not know that her husband had blackmailed her son. She still took time to digest her son’s preference but came around quickly at the sight of her grandchild. Even Jeff and Megan seemed to have extended an olive branch. Jared was skeptical of them at first. But once it was clear to him that they were genuinely trying, he accepted them back with whole heart.

When AJ was two year old, they had remarried again. It was Jared’s idea of course. “I don’t want to call you my baby daddy all the time Jensen. I wanna be your husband again. I wanna call you my husband again. I have you back now. I’m all yours and you’re all mine. So let's do this again. Marry me Jen. Once again. Be my husband once again. I can’t promise that I won’t let anything like my accident happen again for I hold no control over fate but, what I can promise you is that I’ll always come back to you, even if fate forces me to stray, I’ll always come back to you. You’re my anchor. Let me be that again for you Jen? Will you let me?” It didn’t take Jensen even blink to agree to such a sweet proposal. They had a beautiful ceremony, again in the backyard of Jensen’s parents house, but this time with Jared’s family as well except his dad.

They wore the same tux, but the theme was different, their sweet girl was the ring bearer with frilly white dress, a hat and matching shoes. She looked like an angel blessing them on their wedding day. They danced to the same song only this time, it was Jensen singing in Jared ears softly while Jared silently cried on his shoulder. Thankful, for getting everything back after having lost it all. It was a year after that when on Jay’s birthday Jensen had given him the news of him being pregnant for a second time. To say Jared was happy was an understatement. Jensen remembered how sorry and grateful Jared looked when he first held their daughter and when he was hit with remorse that he had lost so many moments. But this time, Jared was over the freaking moon because this time, he got to be there from the start. He got to experience it all for the first time although it was Jensen’s second one.

Jared was a wonderful Dad. He was playful but also stern when needed be. He would call out bullshit for what it was. He never denied their children anything. He wanted his children to strive for success but never for love. He was gonna stand by all their decisions. And Jensen was glad to have a great parent by his side. He loved every single moment of parenthood and treasured it because once he didn’t think he could have that back but somehow they’d found their way to each other. Jensen sat and watched his world enjoying themselves. Water splashing and his kids laughing. In the meantime when Nat was overly loopy, Jared handed him back and Jensen promptly took his son in his arms, wrapping him up in towels and heading for a hot bath. His son chated his baby talk away while having a bath with his Papa. Once dressed, he found Nathan starting to doze off.

“Just five more minutes baby. We’ll have a glass of milk and then you can sleep. Okay baby boy”

“ No wanna have it. Yucky Papa, I wanna haf boo boo, after Papa. Sleepy sleepy” Nathan somehow managed to call his binky , a boo boo. Never agreeing to have a glass of milk. Jensen smiled at the baby talk and hurried down. It was a challenge but once Nathan was halfway through his milk and oatmeal, his daughter and husband came down talking loudly and teasing each other. He shushed them and proceeded to recover the pasta and garlic bread he had prepared for lunch. Once everyone had their meals, he observed that his kids were exhausted from all the morning activity. Jared picked up AJ and took her to her own room while Jensen picked up the already sleeping baby Nathan in his arms and tucked him away in his small bed. He gently kissed his forehead. His babies were growing so fast. He missed them being small but realized that he need not do that as in about seven months he was gonna have not two but four babies to look after. He could not wait to tell Jared that they were about to be parents for the third and Jensen prayed, possibly for the last time.

Jensen entered his room to find his husband already in bed with  typing something on his phone. He removed his clothes and joined his husband. A nap seemed like a good idea at this time but looking at his husband’s long naked body, his lower half of the body felt excitement running. He licked his lips and climbed onto the bed with anticipation of things to come. With two kids to care for, it was hard to find some time to themselves so Jensen was determined not to let this slip away from his hand. Besides he felt horny enough already. He was three months along. And none of his food cravings had set in but his craving for Jared’s touch sure had. When Jared noticed his husband’s eyes looking at him taking his body up and down, he grinned. “Like what you see baby?”

He placed his phone on the bedside dresser and scooped Jensen beneath him, looming over top of his sexy husband.

“I see you’re hard already. All for me baby?” He started licking down Jensen’s jaw line, down to his throat. He took Jensen’s lips in a sweet and lingering kiss that suddenly heated and they started grinding together. As he let his hand stroll down to grip his husband’s hard leaking member, his husband stopped him. “Wait. wait Jared. I have something to tell you.”

“Can’t it wait Jen? I have something to give me. You see I seem to be aching to get inside the sweet ass of yours and empty my load inside you. Don’t you want that baby?” He licked and bit at his throat.

“Hmmmm……..Jay ...ahh…. Jared wait. Listen.” Interrupted for second time during sex was not Jensen’s type so Jared figured it was something really important.

“Alright. Make it quick, I wanna see your whole dripping wet with my cum when I pound you again through the mattress.” he made a dirty promise kissing Jensen dirty again. And God, did it get Jensen all hot and bothered. He thought he could come only by hearing his husband talk dirty to him.

“Uhh...So, it's father’s day. And I wanted to tell you that you’ll have two babies to take care of next father’s day too”

 “Jen, I already have two babies to take care of. Is that what’s so important. Talk of your children. C’mon. You interrupted our sexy time. Its okay. I know.”

 He started kissing down Jensen’s chest and got his lips on his husband's nipples, he knew how sensitive they were.

“No, I mean, Oh Yeah….oh fuck Jay…...no, I mean...I mean two more.”

“Mmmhm. Its okay. I get it Jen. Two more.” And it was getting on his nerves the thought of his children while licking and biting down his husband’s body. “Can we not talk about our children while……wait...what…” Its’ then that what Jensen had said hit him.

The gravity of what Jensen was saying. “Two more babies?” He squealed. He looked down to Jensen’s belly and looked back at his husband, all confused. The comical look on Jared’s face had Jensen laughing. “Yes, my dear idiot husband. Two more. I know you said you wanted three kids but please let's stop at four yeah. I can’t raise you your very own private army.” Jared was still looking puzzled. So he elaborated.

“You can be so thick sometimes Jared. I’m pregnant. With twins this time.” And Jared almost passed out but Jensen looking at him perplexed and with a little doubt had him diving back to take his husbands swollen lips again in a bruising kiss. He tried to convey all his joy in that kiss. His love and admiration for Jensen. And Jensen got it. As always.

When they came up for air. He gently kissed his husband’s belly where his children were safely growing. “How long?” He asked still in awe of the fact that they were pregnant again. Having twins this time.

“Three months. “ Jensen answered.

“I’m so happy Jen. You’re beautiful and so strong. So amazing. Thank you. Thank you for sharing your life with me. For giving me these beautiful children. Thank you” Jared kisses Jensen every time he thanked him. And Jensen was so full of joy and love for this man.

“No Jay, thank you. It’s all nothing without you by my side.” They kept grinning stupidly at each other for a long time.

Jensen finally broke the silence. “You see now that we’ve established our undying love for each other, I still don’t think you do love me as much.” Jared took the hint at the playfulness in his husband’s tone.

 “Oh you don’t? Hmm… let's see if I can convince you enough. Show you enough that I love you with all my heart.” And Jared dived back to doing his ministrations, taking Jensen to new levels of ecstasy.

And holy shit did Jared show him enough just how much he loved him. And Jensen thought he wouldn’t have it any other way.

# THE END

 

**Author's Note:**

> So, how'd you like it. I plan on writing time stamps too, if I get enough response. Lets see how my schedule permits me. Sorry for all the mistakes, English is not my first language. Hope you understand it. Any problems could be pointed out I could correct them as we go. You can find me on Twitter @DWImpala671  
> Thank you for reading!


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